I’m not sure what is so difficult about driving, but apparently there is some mystery to the art of not being an idiot whilst driving a car.

Here are a few pro-tips that will help you, help me, make my commute a tad easier.

1) Please stop text messaging. We both know that talking is more efficient if you have something important to say, and we both know that *nobody* thinks you texting is a good idea (including you I’m sure). Just to be clear, text isn’t significantly more dangerous than you talking on the phone. Texting isn’t a bad idea because it’s texting – it’s a bad idea because you’re an idiot, and incapable of mitigating any level of distraction whilst you drive. You should not only be prohibited from texting while driving, but also from driving while driving.

2) The speed limit isn’t a recommendation.
It really isn’t – it’s a posted speed that you should be adhering to. I understand that I’m trying to go much, much faster and that’s probably annoying you – but going slower isn’t making either of us any less stressed. Also – I hate to be the rules-police here, but your’e sitting in the left lane. My speed should really be of zero concern to you, especially while you’ve got 500 feet of clear road in front of you. Stop checking me out in your rear view and acting so miffed at my close proximity and move over to the right lane where you (by law) are supposed to be driving.

3) Woops, please turn on your blinker before making that lane change.
Thanks for finally getting out of the left lane, but you’ve failed to turn on your blinker while you do this. Your blinker is your only means of communication with the other drivers on the road. Those of us paying attention to everything up to 1/2 mile away on the road are looking for this, and are (surprisingly to you I’m sure) upset when you make erratic adjustments to your route without using this marvel.

4) Oh, you’re exiting here too… Well, Dry Creek has NO yield – please don’t slow d…. never mind, you’re now stopped in the *continuous* lane that is my turn lane at the next light, while you wait for a 1/4 mile break in traffic to allow you to cross 5 lanes of traffic to make a left at the next light. Not sure if you got the memo or not (it was plastered on a large road sign at that last turn you weren’t paying attention to … the one you thought was a yield), but you can’t turn left at the next light from this lane – for this very reason. Thank you though, for finally putting on your blinker (you’ve made 3 lane changes, an exit, and a turn now without this device – I’m not sure what in your brain thought it should go on now).

This is by no means a comprehensive list of pro-tips, so it may grow in the future. This should however be a good jumping-off point for those of you who only look at the bumper in front of you, and are completely unaware of what is going on 1000 feet ahead of you, to the right of you, to the left of you, behind you, in front of you, and everywhere else.